How To Give Bad News To a Woman

Posted on | December 15, 2008 |

by Holly Buchanan

Recently I noticed a strange noise coming from my car engine.  The next day, the seat heaters stopped working, then the air stopped coming through the main heater vents.

So, I took my car in to the auto repair shop.  I was thinking this wouldn’t take that long, so I decided to wait.

Half an hour later, the head service guy called me up to the front.

“It’s not good.”  He started out.   The rest is a little blurry, but I heard something about compressors breaking, electrical lines frying, then…….”It’s going to run you about $1500.”

My face must have gone really pale because he asked me if I was alright.   The only words I could form were, “I need tequila.”

But I have to give the guy credit. He hung in there with me, gave a detailed explanation and was very empathetic.    I would give him a B+.    There were specific things he did when delivering the news, and after he delivered the news, that will certainly affect my continuation as a customer.

In your business, do you sometimes deliver bad news to clients or customers?  Especially female clients and customers?  Here are some specific steps you can take to reduce your pain and the pain of your client.

One - Be direct.   He let me know right away it was bad.   He gave a brief synopsis of the situation then got right to bad news - the estimated price tag.   A brown bag for me to hyperventilate into would have been a nice touch, but….

Two - Don’t judge.  I’ve gotten bad news from mechanics before where it felt almost like they were blaming me.  “You shouldn’t have waited so long to bring it in once you heard that noise.”   Yeah, you’re uncomfortable giving the bad news, but that does not mean she is going to blame you, the messenger. So don’t get defensive, blame her or even insinuate she’s done something wrong.

Three - Give specific details - in plain English.  She’s going to want an in-depth explanation.  Have lots of good information to share and make sure you answer ALL her questions.   My mechanic used some terms I didn’t understand, so I asked for specific clarification.  When you use what sounds like “techno-jargon” you make it worse because she may feel like you’re trying to hose her.   Once my mechanic got super specific using language I understood, my fear that they were trying to scam me eased.  The more details I got, the more confident I was in the work and the price tag.

Four - Empathize honestly.  Let her know you understand what she’s thinking. My guy said “That’s the thing with these <auto part name>.  They’re just damn expensive and hard to get to, so there are a lot of labor hours.”  He understood, from my perspective, that this felt super expensive.    He acknowledged that.  He wanted to try to make me feel better and did explain how it could have been worse.  The car could have caught on fire.  He said I was wise to bring it in when I did.   He then commented that the timing sucked this close to Christmas.

Five - Let her talk/vent.   By making the comment about Christmas, he gave me an opening to talk and share my frustration.   It’s VERY important to let her talk about her frustration, hurt, anger, if she wants.  (not all women will want to, but give her that chance.) He might have wanted to run and hide in the back, but he stayed with me and gave me a chance to share my feelings. Brave and smart.

If you’re in the unfortunate position to have to give her bad news, use these steps.  It can lessen the pain for both of you AND help you keep important customers and clients.

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